I keep emergency coffee.
Reminder:
Keep a little behind
Save pay
For come what may
You know
That dreaded rainy day
When it pours
Indoors
Or we swap boardrooms
For sweeping floors.
But
I didn’t think
To pay attention
Failed to store
Those things
It hurts to mention
I should have saved
Emergency hugs
Banked kisses
Stored sweet sensation
Held on to holding you
That catalogue of your affection
A well to be dipped into
At will
Then
I might be able to sleep
Soundly
My stomach growls
As I sit looking
At your last message
Hoping it will fill me up
With something
Other than emptiness
Injecting words into my veins
So I can feel alive again
Give me all your rippling pain
Your loss
Your bitterness
Your shame
Give me grief
I’ll show the same
Let me feel the dark you hide
When it creeps
From deep inside
Let me see your cracks
Your tears
Show me all the scars you bear
Share the blackened
Burned remains
Of the heart
You hold to blame
Give me
What you cannot stand
Feel me
Reaching for your hand
Please just one more
For the road
One more verse
One line
One word.
One more memory
Re-lived
One more sorrow
One more gift.
Just one more,
Then pack away
I cannot draw my eyes away
From pictures
Painted by your pen
Of sorrows caused by wayward men.
One more
(I tell myself)
Is fine
Be satisfied by words devine
But once again I am entranced
By gentle movements of your dance.
One more
One more
It has to be
Surely this one
Sets me free?
But one more didn’t
Make me smile
Even though I stayed a while
For in those final words I read
Were all the things I’d learned to dread.
One more knife into my heart
One more dulling of my spark
One more twist and then I die
One more painful, sad goodbye.
I scratched you deep into my skin,
Felt the blood as I soaked you in,
From the memories I hold within
You’re leaking out; the mirror stings.
Such a debt owed
Is never repaid
To know love
And the pain of its ending
Drained of energy
Body and mind exhausted
Soul retains a spark
We watch and listen
Gleaning words
Snippets and inspiration served:
The texture of a coffee cup,
The smell of pastries when the oven’s turned up,
Whats the reason for her tears?
An older woman reads and sneers,
Victorian strong man in chequered shirt,
The boyfriend’s shoes are quite absurd.
Then the emails start to ping,
Is there nowhere to escape and think?
Such beauty in its simplest form
Those tears which from your eyes do fall
The smile which after graces lips
At what you feel when sorrow lifts
The knowledge that within your soul
Is all you needed to be whole
I plunge
Into frigid waters
Hoping to be numb
Dare not speak
Ducks in judgement
Think me dumb
But every time
The silence breaks
I am overcome.
Learning to love the silence 