Tag: Mental Health

The circle-cycle sings its song
Where now the strength to carry on?

To do the things your love revealed
Before the truth became too real
And stories told unravelled fast
Leaving clouded shades of past.

I take my place upon the stage
No longer searching for your gaze,
There find the strength to carry on;
The circle-cycle song is sung.

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To trust a man I’ve never met

I trust a man I’ve never met
To put a razor to my neck.
There with his blade to take great care
As trimming every little hair
He tries to make me someone new;
A lot like one who once you knew.

‘Fore I abandoned self respect
I’d daily trim and keep in check
But since that fall my will is gone,
The hair upon my face grows long.
Untidy and unkempt they say;
What reason do I have to change?

The years they pass and slip away,
I live in memories and pain,
Self loathing grows like mental rust,
I have to learn again to trust,
Yet cannot bring myself to do
The same, with anyone since you.

I sit here staring at a face
Which once in photographs I traced:
The ones in which our lips would meet
As there we stood upon the street.
Back then I was a different man
Now he is gone and so his plans.

This clinging to what was won’t aid
Nor should I dwell in doleful shade
For only in this moment now
Is found the why, the where, the how,
The reason that I let him hold
A blade which shall remove the old.

Dream therapy

I dreamed of you again, yet this time it was not you.

I walked through the ground floor of Queen Margaret’s hospital, a place I havent been for years, talking on the phone.
The line went dead.
Frustrating though it was, it was not a conversation I was engaged with.
I looked out of the ground floor window at the grass.
Why I was there I do not know.

My phone rings
I look down
Your name
Staring back
Hands shake
I answer
Hello?
No sound
Then crackles
Your mother
My heart
Breaks
Is that you
Yes its me
(I get her name wrong as always)
She
I
The line
Or her voice
Cracks
She
I

My heart beating like a drum wrenches me from sleep and I am faced with the realisation that this is not true, that call never came, but you vanished just as completely.

Learning to love

So young we were when first we kissed
That momentary passing bliss
Which caught our hearts not unawares
But left them beating rapturous snares
Entwined by youthful folly we
So blinded that we could not see
There underneath the vows we spoke
Our kisses had brought forth a yoke
Which fractured as you sought to flee
And left us burdened far from free
For all we shared entwined our souls
No longer are we feeling whole
Thus now it is we seek to learn
Those lessons which in youth we spurned
How to live alone at last
Making peace with all that’s past.